PERSONAL STORIES
Paul
" Coming from a prison and addiction background I became really interested in the work that Release was doing. Release's mentorship programmes in the prisons were very appealing and I worked to become a mentor myself. This led me to take a part time position leading, developing and presenting the Recovery course in Mountjoy prison”. In addition, I have had the privilege of working with the probation services on different initiatives, including a campaign to convince the insurance industry that ex-prisoners could be insured to run their own enterprises.
After 2 years volunteering with Release I had the desire to start a business and Release became the support mechanism to help that happen. With the help of a number of agencies I received training and became equipped to run a a social enterprise.
Since then I have started New Creation Cleaning Services* which is a social enterprise giving training, mentoring and employment to people recovering from the effects of addiction and imprisonment.
Website by Ruby Solutions
JOHN
A Personal Journey of Pain, and Eventually Success. By John in his 40’s
At first, I was hesitant and unsure of what to say or write when I was asked to reflect on my life's path and how I came to my current position in society. I finally concluded that it will be a success if my thoughts and story can influence even one person to change and live a better life.
I should thus begin by introducing myself as a man in his 40s who has made a number of poor life decisions that have ultimately cost him everything and given him a one-way ticket to prison. Never in a million years did I imagine or believe that my activities would lead to an arrest, a CCJ trial, and a 6-year prison sentence. But it did, and before I share that chapter of my life with you, it's crucial that I be honest and briefly describe how I ended up on the CCJ's front steps on a sunny morning in the middle of June, which feels like a life time ago now.
I did not have the difficult life experiences that others describe, nor did I have the scarcity of possibilities, the violence, or the adverse socioeconomic conditions that might affect one's life. Instead, I came from a respectable middle-class family. So why did I start living a life of crime and drugs? Now that I can look back on it, I can easily understand why. It was because I felt accepted and respected because I was active in and associated with particular people and organizations, and I believed this made me special. I was terribly mistaken, and I didn't realize it until I was sent to prison. There was no sign of any of the individuals I thought to be my friends. I was abandoned, I could not understand why or how they could just leave me after all I had done for them and all we had been through. But reality set in very fast and once I came to terms with this then I could start over again.
Moreover, the reality I'm describing was still only something I imagined. Like I'll change, but I don't really think I will. This happened because, deep down in my foolish mind, I thought that my fictitious pals would save me. In Hines' sight I am incredibly happy that they didn't. The moment that changed my life forever was the day my mother came to visit me in prison. I was now locked up nearly 3 months and this was the first and last time I would see my mother during sentence in prison. The steel doors opened, and the sound of the keys and steel banning together is a sound that continues to haunt me. My mum appeared, she was linked on one side by my dad and on the other side by a prison officer. Her face was pail and grey, her hands shaking and her voice trembling. Until that moment I had stopped myself from expression any emotion in this hell of a place called prison. I felt me heart breaking, I set in front of the only woman that truly loved and supported me and she started by saying I am so ashamed, and embarrassed of you, and what you have brought to our family. This is all I remember form the visit, which was her first and last. That nigh back in my cell I cried for the first time since being locked up. I felt a pain that I never experienced before, now I know that it was the shame and disappointment that I caused my mother and family.
I started making changes from that moment, and I put the foolish thoughts behind me and started attending the school. I hated it at first, however, the guidance and support shown to me was something that I was not accustomed to. I had someone that believed in me. It was not always easy and I particularly remember the dark moments. They covered me like a cloak of despair, they entered my cold cell and remained with me like an unwanted visitor. Even though I was making great progress with my studies, I was now in a different battle, a different war had started, and it was in my mind. I have to control my thoughts and emotions. With each day that went by, the darkness was winning, and I was thinking more and more about ending my life.
The next stage of my progression and change is something that was most profound. I was at my most voulunrable and as I woke from my sleep, I set in the edge of the steel framed bed and thought to hell with this, what have I left to live for. But just as I said that to myself a light shone through the small window, and across the cold floor of my cell. It was early in the morning and even thought the cell felt cold, I felt a warmth that I had not experienced before. Now I was not a man of faith and still to this day I have my only thoughts on the world that I wont subject the readers of this story too. But that moment saved my life and gave me some kind of inner peace and a feeling of strength to become better. The feeling of despair lifted. Soon after that I was moved to an open prison and the story of my education continued.
When I was released from prison I was after completing the entrance exams for UCD while in prison so I was now embarking upon a new journey. This was the journey of success and the drive to succeed was immense. My mother and father now seen a different man before them. A man with a purpose and a man they could be proud of. So, I thought to my self even with my degree will I be able to get a job with a criminal record. That was when I discovered the organization RELEASE and the incredible staff that are so helpful especially the CEO Philip. They embraced me and nurtured my talent. They made me believe that anything is possible and to look upon my jail term as life experience and use it to carve out a little piece of this world for myself. That is exactly what I did, and now I am working for a large organization, and I have completed my degree and soon I will have my have my master completed and the next step is completing a PHD in social inequality pertaining to the housing and homelessness sector.
So, for all of your that are reading this and feel lost and alone, there is help out there and people are willing to help you. But you have to make the first move and show a willingness to make a change in your life. It is not easy and there are more difficult times ahead, but I promise you that if you keep pushing forward you will succeed. I will help you; RELEASE will help you, and they will change your life for the better. I have failed more time that I have succeeded but the key is that I keep trying, and now I can say that it is for the first time becoming a little easier. Also, it is important to share with you that I find studying hard and the fact that I filed my leaving cert and had issued with reading and spelling made the journey even more difficult. There is plenty of help our there so don’t be afraid to just ask.
Finally, I would like to thank all the people that helped me on my journey the teachers, the schools, and the different organizations especially UCD and the amazing lectures and it is important to again mention that without the help and guidance of RELEASE and the kind and insightful words of its CEO Philip I don’t think I would be where I am today. Now one is expected to achieve their dreams alone, it is with the help of everyone around them that the realize and achieve their dreams. I am lucky to be able to testify to this, I hope that you found some meaning from my story, and if you would like to know more please reach out through the organization RELEASE and I would be happy to chat and help in any way I can.